RanDOM

My little family of program babies :)
I missed our little 3-20 classroom where we do almost everything in there, inclusive of loading, unloading, packing, working, eating and sleeping. 3-20 reeks of us programmers. And well, we've practically seen each other's unglam-est moments. I missed having to stay up with all of you guys just to keep the camp programmes and everything in pace. It's really amazing how all of us can stick to each other and really have each other's back. Thank God for these wonderful people who have entered my life and also given a chance to be someone different :) Damn I'm so random.
HEARTS TO; KB, Calvin, KK, Darren, Kannan, Fuad, Gerald, Keagen, Shawn, Gugu, Daniel, Cheryl, Samsam, Sharyl, Woonyah, Vanesa, Pearlyn, Xuan, Kandis, Tracy, Vivien, Shan, Samantha, Wesley and Kokguan :)
P R O G R A M M E R S O F 2 0 0 8

Feel like spilling some thoughts now..
Lately, I felt I have lost someone important in my life.. Was it a moment of folly? Or was it just fated to end in this way.. That everything happened for a reason. Maybe it was really my fault? Sigh, whatever it is.. I really feel sorry for this person for whatever I've done to upset him. But I really don't deserve his treatment now. It's only fair to respect what I want. I can frankly say that I have been there for him through thick and thin... I did feel appreciated for whatever I've done for him whenever he thank me, not through words but just somehow I can read his mind.. But now, everything had seemed to lose its meanings.. Even the most important part of friendship, I can't seem to comprehend now.. To actually think that he would be there like how I used to be whenever he was going through that super hard phase of his life.. He proven me wrong.... Sometimes, one really shouldn't live in their own assumptions. Sometimes they just get obliviously blinded by all their assumptions, they are too deaf to even listen to others. Not even the simplest word or blessing, all that reek was jealousy.... I'm so damn disappointed. Things didn't have to turn out this way... Though I admit, I really sometimes do not know what I really want, but the simplest thing to have from you was YOUR SUPPORT... I've got none from your side... This is the saddest peak of our friendship, and maybe it should end like this..? ): Sigh.... Time, I gave in to it.. But it never gave in to me.. It's running out.. Doesn't really matter, I'm moving along now.. Let it be a past then..

I feel so sorry for Mummy, for having to throw my rotten temper at her. The only person to receive my rotten temper had to be her, not my friends or anyone else, but my MUMMY. I'm such a disgrace to the family. The freaking black SHE sheep. Yet through all this shit, she still put up with my freaking temper. I didn't realise how awfully unfilial I was to her until Gabriel told me. I can't even make her happy for just ONE freaking day. All I do is raised my voice, talk back and fight for my own rights. Somehow I just feel that she just doesn't trust me, she's just too over protective and that I don't know how to take care of myself.. It's for my own good, but I'm just blinded by the fact that she doesn't TRUST me ): The freaking big word again. Until the day when she's finally gone, then will I learn. SIGH. I always do it the hard way. But seriously, I NEED MY SPACE ): I hope things get better. I know you know I'm your good girl...... I'll be better... ): If only I could convey my thoughts into actions to prove it to you, that I REALLY CARE FOR YOU.

I haven't seen my BESTFRIEND for half a year.. She had seriously gone with the winds. Was it my fault that I never really took the initiative? Or should I put the blame on her career..? NO. All in all... I blame nobody, but myself... I remembered your words Feli. :) I will never hurt anyone else, I never will. But the only living thing I would is myself... So my bestfriend, where have you been.. Things had pretty much changed... I feel the horrible distance in between.. So much for that, both of lives have most probably made drastic changes. You'd be horrified to find out what a person I've become. But somethings in me will never change for you. You know it. I really am the same old Jolene you used to know 7 years ago.. This is for you to keep in memory. What about you? Sigh... This is pointless talking to myself about you, when I don't even initiate to open up. I seriously don't know what's wrong with me having to just pick my phone up just to ask how are you... I freaking have no guts. Actually last Chirstmas I did. Think it sorta backfired ): Sigh... And so I never tried. Yet again, time never waits for me... I'm moving along now..

So many things I have yet to keep reminding myself never to look back. The tendency to turn around... I'm so vulnerable.. Remember what I told you, if you ever have to leave me one day.. Don't stay but just walk away. Leave without a trace.. I don't wna turn around to see you standing there. I would never leave this way... Please remember that, okay baby?

Hurt is inevitable....